Take Another Little Piece of My Heart
by ilikecrystals
Summary: Aftermath of the Spirit Oil Massage, Dean struggles with his new found feelings for little brother Sam. Sexual content: F/M, Slash/Wincest PLEASE REVIEW-reviews make me very happy!
1. Chapter 1

**Rating:** R (MA)  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, These characters are Kripke's! I'm just a fan so please don't sue me.  
**Warnings:** F/M Sex/Wincest - Under 18-PLEASE LEAVE NOW!

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*

The drip of water off his nose is driving him crazy.

He wipes it away but it comes back, _drip drip_, rolling down from his hair, over the bump where it's been broken a few times, and off the tip, falling to the ground.

Damn rain!

Freaking pouring down on him now, cold and relentless, making it hard to see. His boots squish in the mud and water runs down the back of his jacket, making him shiver violently. Gonna catch his death and his damn brother wouldn't even give a shit!

Nowhere else to go, though, except here. Christ, he really is pathetic. If he was more of a man, more sure of _them_, he'd march on in there and take a stand, declare himself. As it is…well, it's too much, too new…all sharp edges and scary. They haven't really even talked about what happened between them…

So here he is, in the rain, nose dripping, watching…streams of water down the window make the scene inside hazy and smeared but he sees all he needs to. And it's pissing him off…

The bag of groceries lay where he dropped them, in a puddle at his feet, forgotten as he narrows his eyes at the scene before him, breath catching in his throat as he struggles not to smash in the glass with his fists, anger making him tremble.

He should've known things'd be all fucked up…the story of his life…Dean Winchester can't be happy…it's Murphy's Law that if he finds one shred of joy…all hell will break loose so he never gets the feeling again…

He'd gone out to get food, taking care of them like he was supposed to, like a good brother should. He'd heard the noises at the door when he'd come back, fumbling for his key, heard the loud voices raised in anger…a woman and a man. He'd listened, pressing his ear to the door, breathing through his mouth to hear. The voices went low and intimate, hard to understand so he inched his way to the window to take a peek.

And now he's stuck here…watching like a damn peeping Tom…hoping to Christ no one calls the cops on him…that's all he'd need right now to cap off this night of frigging bliss!

Inside, Sam stands, fresh from the shower, hips snug in a towel, shaking his head 'no' at the woman before him. Dean can see only her back… a slight figure with dark hair, pressing up against his brother but he knows who it is…Ruby.

She's already screwed Sam once…and now, looks like she's back for round two. Much to Dean's anguish, it doesn't look like his brother's fighting her off as hard as he should be.

"Well, what'd you expect?" his minds snaps harshly, "Did you really think after one night Sam's gonna tell everyone that he loves you and only wants to be with you? Come on!"

Even so…the hurt twists his gut.

He expected more…and his betrayal shoots white hot through him, making him want to punch something…anything…to get this hurt out of him. They shared something special… a night of passion, the best fucking night of his life…him and his beloved baby brother…

Sam had made his body sing with that mind-bending massage and they'd loved on each other…it was good and right and he wasn't ashamed of anything that happened between them. He thought Sam felt the same…ok, they hadn't talked about it but…dammit…they were together now and he shouldn't be letting this…fucking chick anywhere near him.

Sam was his…and he was Sam's…that's the way it was now…he thought they had a … an understanding.

Seems he was wrong.

He watches through the rain-streaked glass, fists clenching white, as Ruby wraps her arms around Sam's neck, urging his mouth down for a deep kiss, biting his lower lip with her teeth, tongue sliding in between his full lips to swirl passionately...

Dean presses closer to the glass. Sam doesn't look like he's kissing her back…but he's not pushing her away either…

He sees Ruby's hands caress Sam's naked torso, splay over his nipples and down to his abdomen…watches her progress with jealous, hungry eyes…wanting that to be his hand…his mouth…

Ruby's tugging on the towel…Sam swipes at it but misses and he stands there, naked and beautiful…

He sees Sam mouth "No, Ruby…no…just stop, ok?" but she just keeps going, reaching her hand out to touch him, dragging her hand up and down Sam's swollen shaft. Sam's half moan reaches Dean's ears through the window…

Dean's breath catches on a sob, drinking in the image of his brother's beautiful body, so muscular and strong…so firm and hard…he snakes a tongue over suddenly dry lips, pressing his face closer to the window. Freaking bitch doesn't know how to touch Sam…doesn't know what he likes...

He watches Ruby's hand move faster on Sam's dick and his brother…sure looks like he's enjoying it, damn him! His teeth flash white as his head falls back, eyes half-closed, hips thrusting forward into her hand…

Last time he saw Sammy's face like that, it was Dean's hands on him, making his little brother gasp in the dark, tugging on that sweet erection before…oh, before Sam had filled him up and taken him, owned him completely.

He needs to turn away, …to leave cause this is doing him no fucking good at all…it's just ripping his heart apart, piece by piece. He can't stop, though, can't pull his eyes away from Sam's face, his body…God, he just wants so much to rush in there and show her how to touch him…show her how to love him…

Ruby drops down to her knees in front of Sam and even though Dean can only see the back of her head, bobbing and Sam's face…it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Sam's starting to feel real good there, especially when his hips start thrusting forward faster and his hands grip the sides of Ruby's head, guiding her movement.

Sam lifts his head, his eyes suddenly focusing right on Dean. Their eyes lock.

Dean's eyes glitter at him and sweep down to Ruby then back up to Sam, asking for an explanation…a reason…

Time stops and it's just him and Sam. They stare at each other, studying curves and lines in their faces, caressing each other with their eyes…and Sam's eyes are warm, soft, loving. The look on his face tells Dean he's sorry…so sorry…

Sam's hands grip into Ruby's hair, his hip thrusts becoming faster, harder. He doesn't drop his gaze but continues staring at Dean, his eyes piercing into his very soul, it seems. Dean eyes drop back to Ruby, seeing her hands reach around to cover Sam's, pulling on them and her body looks like she's…struggling…pulling away but Sam's holding her there.

He hears Sam hiss, "You want it so bad…take it…take it all…"

Dean jerks his eyes back up to Sam's face, who's still staring at him, teeth bared now. Dean no longer sees pleasure on Sam's face…now he just looks freaking pissed off.

Sam's fingers yank on Ruby's hair, forcing her head back as he pulls back and pulling her forward as he thrusts. Dean sees her hands gripping, pulling on Sam's…frantically, it looks like and she's struggling up, trying to stand but Sam's holding her down, pumping faster and faster until he throws his head back, his body stiffening, spasms racking him.

Dean knows he coming, shooting deep in Ruby's throat because he hasn't let her go and she's stopped struggling, letting Sam's hands move her head as he wants, just a hole now for him to pump into…

Dean's mouth is watering, making him wipe at his lips…he wants to be drinking from his brother…it should be him! Sam doesn't need _her_, he had to force her, hold her so she'd finish him…she wasn't willing…although why, Dean can't figure out…if that'd been him, he'd have drunk it down lovingly…and asked for more…always more…

Realization hits him hard. He won't ever be satisfied with anyone else but Sam. He doesn't want women…he doesn't want men…he just wants Sam. If his brother doesn't want him or need him the same way, then Dean can't stay, won't stay…won't lay that kind of pressure on Sam. He loves Sammy too much to force him to choose…

Finally, he has the courage to turn and walk away.

*

*

Inside, Sam is still pumping into Ruby's mouth, making her drink the last of him, not releasing her until he's spent, finished.

Sam recovers, breath slowing, coming back to awareness and he flicks a panicked look at the window but Dean is gone. Shit!

He roughly pushes Ruby away from him, grabbing pants and pulling them on, twisting a t-shirt over his head and down. He turns towards the door but Ruby is in front of him, trying to touch him.

"Sam…" she wipes at her mouth, "Don't leave me here…like this…I need you…"

He stares at her, a rage rising up in him so quickly he knows it's been there the whole time, just waiting to come out…she's standing between him and his brother and she doesn't know how close he is to just sending her demon ass back to hell right then and there…

Gritting his teeth, trying to remind himself that he may still need her help, he snaps the words at her, low and deadly "Get out of my way, Ruby."

She reaches up towards his face and he slaps her arm away, reaching the limit to his patience. Desperate to get to Dean, he yells in her face, "No! You're a fucking demon, Ruby! I don't want you touching me again ever! That's it! No more! You get the hell out…NOW…"

He hauls her by the arm over to the door with one strong hand, opening the door with the other and shoving her through it out into the rain "If you come around again, so help me God, I'll send your ass back to hell so fast, you won't even have time to pack!"

Behind her, he spies the Impala, parked but empty, keys in the ignition. The rain pelting him, drenching him, he rounds the corner to the window, where Dean had been standing.

The groceries are scattered around on the ground but Dean's gone.

Sam looks around frantically. Nothing…

His voice echoes in the rain, in the night, "DEAN! Dean! Please come back!"

*


	2. Chapter 2

*

The sound his wet boots make in the grass is what he's thinking about the most.

Swick, swick, swick.

This is the sound of Dean leaving his brother.

It's nighttime, raining and he's trudging on a highway towards nowhere in particular. He's off the shoulder onto the grass, not wanting to be road kill from a trucker whose attention may be wandering.

He's so frigging wet he can't even remember what it's like to be dry, the rain pelting him sideways now. Every once in a while, a semi screams by, splashing him for good measure cause he's not yet wet enough, apparently.

Freaking shivering just won't stop!

Swick, swick.

He feels lightheaded, out of his body a little, the cold inside his gut making him loopy. He just wants somewhere to hide.

Maybe a cup of coffee…somewhere dry, warm, just to sit for a minute, lick his wounds, think on what to do.

He left his car for Sam, wanting…no…needing to give him something tangible to show his brother his deep love. No matter what happens now, he still loves Sam more than life itself, lover or not, and that'll never change.

His cell phone rings. He knows it's Sammy but won't let himself answer it. He's already decided…his brother will be better off without him so he's going. As soon as he can just sit and regroup, he'll figure out a plan. Maybe grab a bus to another town where he can hustle some pool…just enough to get a rental car or buy a used one, get himself a room.

A sneeze explodes out of him, then two more in quick succession. He shivers, miserable, feeling very sorry for himself. Christ, he hates the rain!

Swick, swick.

Lights close behind him make him swerve to the right to get out of the way. They don't go by, though...slowing to just stay with him, lighting his way on the road.

He shoots a glance behind him at the headlights, recognizing his Baby. The car comes alongside, slowing to match his pace.

"DEAN!" a familiar voice yells out the open passenger window.

He keeps trudging, head down, ignoring the jump in his heart.

"Dean! Get in the car!" Sam calls again, moving the car with him.

"Go home, Sammy!" He growls out, "Just leave me alone!"

"Dean…Come on, man…just get in the damn car!"

Swick, swick.

Sam guns the engine, pulling the car ahead of him and swerves to a stop. He jumps out of the car and grabs for Dean, who's already striding by.

The grip on his shoulders pisses him off and Dean shoves at the hands, trying to twist out of Sam's hold on him.

"Fucking lemme go!"

"Stop! Dean! Just stop, ok?"

An image of those strong hands holding Ruby's head, twisting in her hair, rises up in his mind and he hits Sam in the chest with both hands, shoving him back, off balance but Sam's fingers won't let go, tightening on him even more, almost painfully.

"No, Dean…No!" Sam's voice is low, through gritted teeth.

Dean is yanked forward onto a rock hard chest and enfolded in a bear hug that squeezes the breath out of him. Sam's heart is pounding under his cheek and Sam's hand is on the back of his head, holding him there. Safe…safe…the feeling rises up in Dean and he lets himself rest for a moment, closing his gritty eyes against the wet t-shirt, his arms hugging Sam's slim waist.

He feels hot tears rising in him, gathering under his eyelids, surprising him. He can't stop shivering.

"Jesus, Dean, you're burning up!" he dimly hears Sam's voice above him and then he's being half-shoved, half-carried to the car, the creak of the door in his ears.

Pushed in, he collapses onto the passenger seat and Sam swivels him around, stuffing his legs under him.

He makes a half-hearted attempt to get out and Sam's finger is in his face, "You. Don't. Move!"

Exhausted, he leans back against the seat, closing his eyes, trembling so bad, his teeth are chattering. He thinks he dozes because it's just a second before the door is opening and Sam is pulling him out, dragging him into their room.

Sam's hands are everywhere, pulling off his wet boots and socks and yanking off his jacket.

"Lift up" Sam says and he obediently raises his arms, all the fight gone out of him.

Sam pulls off his shirt and t-shirt, both drenched.

Dean shivers, his teeth clicking together and Sam shakes his head at him, "What the hell were you thinking, man?"

Sam unbuttons his brother's pants, sliding down the zipper and peeling them off Dean's wet legs. His underwear is yanked off as well so now he's not only cold and shivering but naked, cold and shivering…great…

Sam pushes him to the bathroom, closing the door behind them and reaches in with a hand to start the shower. He shoves Dean under the hot water, leaning him against the wall for a second while he shucks off his own wet clothes.

Sam gets back in the shower and, taking the soap, washes his brother with gentle hands. Leaving him resting under the hot water, Sam quickly washes and rinses himself before shutting off the water and pulling back the curtain.

Dean, almost asleep, dimly feels a towel, rough and dry, rubbing his body pink. The shivering is less now but the ice inside is still there. He doesn't even remember what warm feels like.

"Open your mouth" Sam's voice comes from somewhere near his ear and he obeys, feeling pills on his tongue and then "Drink" and he swallows the liquid and the pills.

His eyes bleary, he looks up at Sam, scowling, "Kinda pushy, aren't ya?"

Sam smiles a little, "Just shut up and get in bed…" and nudges him out of the bathroom, towards the bed.

Sighing, Dean lays back on the soft mattress, closing his eyes, the pillow under his aching head sweet relief. He feels blankets being pulled onto him and realizes he's still shivering, still cold…won't ever be warm again.

The mattress dips and a warm body stretches next to him. Dean moves over, nearer the heat, trying to get as close as possible. He's pulled onto a clean-smelling chest, warm arms around his back and shoulders, feeling the beat of Sam's heart under his cheek.

Sam tucks the blankets around him, rubbing Dean's shoulder gently with a warm hand.

"Mmmm" Dean breathes in his smell, curving his arm around Sam's ribs, snuggling deeper into the heat of his brother's body. His shivering lessens and eventually stops as the ice in his gut is melted by his brother's embrace.

Now he remembers what warm feels like…

"Sam?" Dean whispers

"Hmm?"

"Why'd you let her touch you?"

He feels Sam kiss his forehead and pull him closer, "Cause I'm a fucking idiot who doesn't know a good thing when he has it…"

"Yea…that's about right…" Dean mutters in agreement.

"Sleep, Dean…we'll talk tomorrow. We have a lot to talk about…"

"Kay…"

Sleep takes him to his dreams where Sammy waits, arms wide open.


	3. Chapter 3

*

Dean wakes up alone, the bed next to him silent, empty.

He reaches out, rubbing the sheet. Cold. Sam's been gone a while.

Raising up, he listens for sounds of his brother. Nothing but the _drip, drip_ from the leaky faucet in the bathroom. Speaking of which, a leak would feel mighty fine right about now.

He pushes back the blankets and pads naked to the bathroom, scratching himself as he yawns and relieves himself…his bladder so full, it's like Niagara Falls hitting the toilet… aww…sweet relief! He washes his hands and looks at himself in the mirror.

Huh…beard seems a little longer than normal…he really needs a shave...well, no time like the present, he thinks, and reaches for his razor.

Wiping his face clean over now smooth cheeks, Dean hears the outer door open, "Sam?"

"Hey…you're awake…" Sam looks in with a smile, searching his face, "You look better…how you feeling?" and then catches sight of Dean's nakedness and blushes, turning away.

"Good, Sammy…hungry…"

"I brought food and coffee…"

"Donuts?"

"McDonalds."

Dean gives a satisfying smack of his lips, "Always knew I kept you around for a reason, Sam."

He walks out, taking a big breath, "Smells awesome! All greasy and delicious…"

Sam laughs, "Yeah, man, clog those arteries…" and he turns to hand Dean a cup of coffee, stopping in mid-air, staring at his brother's nakedness and blushes again, "Dude…put on some pants…"

Dean looks down at himself, smiles and half-shrugs, "Sorry…" and goes to fumble in his duffle bag for underwear and jeans. Slipping them on, he asks, "So, where you been?"

Sam hands him a Styrofoam container, "Sausage and eggs…" he mutters and then looks down, not meeting his gaze, "I…uh…went to see Bobby, actually…"

"About?"

"I wanted to talk to him about the Spirit Oil…"

"What about it?" Dean knows he's not gonna like what Sam has to say...knows it from the way his brother won't look at him, won't meet his eyes for more than a glance.

Sam places a hand on Dean's shoulder, "Dean…eat something, ok? We can talk while you eat...You gotta build your strength back up...take it slow…how're you feeling really? Doing ok?"

Dean frowns, glancing first at Sam's hand and then up into his concerned face, "Fine, Sam…never better. Why you acting like I died or something?"

Dropping his hand, Sam replies "Why? You've been in bed with a fever for the last three days, that's why…I didn't know if you were gonna come out of it."

"Three days? What? I don't remember anything…Fever from what, Sammy…I didn't even have a cold…"

"Bobby says it's from the Spirit Oil, Dean…it made you really sick."

"But you used it too, remember? I rubbed some on you…and you didn't get sick. I swear…this shit's always happening to me and never you…what's up with that? It's like you're frigging charmed or something…"

"I didn't get as much on me as you did. I had it on my hands when I was rubbing you and then, you put some on my chest and stomach and my…" Sam looks away.

It's the first they've talked about that night and looking at Sam's face, he'd rather be getting hit in the head with a crowbar than talking about it.

Sam clears his throat, "Anyway, I rubbed it all over you and massaged it in, made sure it got really into your skin. It got inside you, too."

Dean frowns, "Inside me? How?"

Sam's eyes touch his and skitter away, "When I rubbed it on my…on me…and then I…went…inside you…that made the oil enter your bloodstream really fast. Bobby researched it for me while I was taking care of you."

"You fucking told Bobby? About what happened between us? Shit, Sam, that's just great!"

"Of course not, Dean! I just told him I gave you a rubdown and I used that oil…and Bobby knew right away what was making you sick. He asked if you had any cuts on you because that would make it get into you faster. That's when I thought about when I…I mean…when we…shit, I can't…"

Sam takes a breath, "Anyway…Remember the warning the shaman told us? About not touching it to our skin?" At Dean's head shake, Sam nods, "Yea, I didn't either. Turns out it's kind of a poison."

"A poison? Holy shit, Sam…"

"Yeah. It won't kill you but it makes you punch-drunk, releases inhibitions and you end up doing things you'd never do but that seem normal and right at the time. It especially works on the hormones…makes everything sensual and erotic…makes every sense more alert, aware…"

Dean looks at his brother in silence, searching Sam's face for any hint of how he's feeling…nodding, trying to believe that the oil is responsible for all the emotions he had…hell, still has…towards Sam.

Sam continues, "Side effects are high-fever, delirium and irrational behavior. I told Bobby about Ruby, Dean…I knew something was wrong when I forced Ruby to…when I almost choked her with my…shit…I'm not like that, Dean! I would never force a woman in my right mind! It felt like she…was standing between us…you and me…like she was the reason we couldn't be together and I wanted to rip her apart! That told me right there something was screwy. Bobby said it was because it got in my skin, turned me mean."

"It didn't turn you mean with me…" Dean says quietly, watching Sam's face.

His brother flushes and flicks his eyes up to meet Dean's, "It made us both really sick, Dean. Look at what we did together…" he looks down again, whispering, "That's not us, Dean. We…we're not gay…I'm not and I know you're not! Hell, you love women so much sometimes I think you're just a big walking hormone. When I think about what I did to you…God, I'm so ashamed…and I can't even look at you now because…because I don't want to see that you hate me…and that you're disgusted by me…"

Dean reaches out to touch his arm, "Sammy, I don't...I'm not….I asked you…hell, I _begged_ you to touch me, Sam! It wasn't all you! I don't hate you…never did…"

Sam moves away, causing Dean to drops his hand to his side. "Well, you should. What we did…it was wrong…so fucking wrong in so many ways…"

"It didn't feel wrong to me…or to you…not at the time…"

"That's cause we weren't in our right minds! Bobby said the oil takes about three days to work itself out of a person's system. I used it on you last Saturday. Ruby came by on Sunday and by Tuesday, I felt normal again."

"Normal?" Dean asks, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, normal...like where I don't think about touching you all the time...normal where I don't think about you in _that _way any more…I mean, while you were out of it, I barely managed to keep my hands off you…"

Dean squints, suddenly remembering some erotic dreams featuring his little brother.

Sam sees his brother's look, clears his throat, looks away and then back, swallowing hard.

Finally, shrugging, Sam admits, "Ok, maybe I didn't manage it very well…I mean, you were so warm and willing and I couldn't seem to stop myself…"

"Sammy…"

"You can't possibly hate me more than I do myself right now, Dean…and don't even think about trying to make me feel better…I'm a sick fuck and I know it…to do that to you while you were frigging delirious with fever…and I'm sorry…really sorry…"

Sam looks at him full on, for the first time since they started talking, saying firmly, "The oil shoulda worked itself outta you by now, Dean…so here's what we're gonna do…to put this shit behind us. First, we're not going to talk about it any more…ever again…it's done, over! Then, tonight, you and me are going out, to a bar, and we're going to pick up the hottest chicks in the place and we're gonna have wild animal sex with them and we'll feel better…we'll be all better…"

Dean gives his brother a slight smile and nods, pressing his lips together. He's never seen his brother this freaked out about something before. Strange how making love to Sam doesn't freak Dean out.

Sure, Dean can still appreciate making love to a woman. He's not gay…he knows he's not…he knows he prefers woman over men. Nothing better than a sweet-smelling girl, warm and soft in all the right places, to make him forget his troubles. But he doesn't love them…none of them…they're just for sex…

But, Sammy….Sammy is the only one Dean wants to be with…

He's the voice in the dark, the one he talks over the day with...he's the splashing water in the bathroom, the boots he constantly trips over, the snore in the passenger seat.

Sammy's necessary, essential…like breathing

He's life…pulsing in Dean's veins.

He's home…the light in the empty room

He's love…filling Dean's heart with purpose, with intention…

Without Sam, Dean would cease to be…

So, he'll take whatever Sam wants to give him and be satisfied with it. He'll do whatever is necessary to make his little brother happy.

He'll go out and pick up a girl, screw her fast and hard, and never talk about that night he and his brother shared…never tell Sam how much it meant to him to be able to touch his baby brother…to love his baby brother…

He'll do what Sam wants.

Maybe Sam won't notice that the girls Dean usually picks have lots of brown hair, with bangs that hang in their eyes and sweet dimpled smiles that light up their whole face.

And maybe Sam's right. Dean'll get over this…eventually and it's only that stupid oil that makes him feel like this…hot and heavy and wanting his brother...

Maybe he really doesn't want to be with Sam, make love to him, make Sammy his in every way possible…_own_ his baby brother...mind, body and soul...

And maybe…he'll see a pig or two flying in the sky tonight on his way to get laid.

*


	4. Chapter 4

*

They found a bar pretty easy…red-neck, bunch of pickups in the parking lot, mostly all with a rifle in the back window. A drunk gets thrown out as they walk up, country western music pouring out the door so loud the ground shakes with it.

Once inside, they find the party in full-swing, jukebox cranking out a popular country tune and locals thumping and kicking on the floor. Drinks flow heavy, the pool table beckons for a hustle and the women…well, no top models but more than pretty enough to get the job done.

Soon, they're a scotch and beer chaser in, sitting at a table, checking out the scenery. Dean leans forward, takes a swig of beer and motions with his head.

Sam looks, seeing two ladies at the bar, smiling prettily back at them, "Nice…" he murmurs.

"The brown haired one's mine, Sammy…" Dean says behind the mouth of his bottle, before taking another deep drink.

He scoots back his chair and walks over to the women, who giggle and nudge each other as he approaches. He introduces himself, motions to his brother and says something witty. Both women laugh and Dean puts an arm around the one he's chosen and the other comes over to Sam, sliding into the seat Dean just vacated.

"Hi" she smiles at him, "I'm Susan…" Her blue eyes sparkle at him with interest, her long blond hair pulled over one shoulder. She's wearing some clingy top and a short skirt, she has legs that don't end and she smells good…really good.

Sam gives her his dimples, "Sam Winchester, nice to meet you…"

She drains her drink and Sam waves his hand for another, "So, Susan…do you live around here?"

"All my life…" she replies, "How about you? Just passing through?"

"I'm afraid so…"

"On your way to where, Sam?"

"Where ever the road leads me, I guess…"

Susan laughs, throaty and warm, "I like that answer…I like that a lot…"

The waitress comes with their drinks and Susan holds hers up for a toast, "Here's to the road…"

Sam nods, smiling, "The road…" and they chink glasses together.

After a half hour or so of small talk, the girl downs her drink and puts her hand on Sam's leg. "Want to get out of here? Go someplace quiet?" she breathes.

He looks over at his brother and Dean is whispering in the brown-haired girl's ear, something that makes her blush. Dean moves her hair off her shoulder and leans in for a kiss. Sam looks away quickly and clears his throat.

"Sam?"

He looks at the girl and smiles, nods, "Yeah, sure…"

He drains his beer and stands up. Dean sees the movement and whispers to the girl next to him. She replies with a nod. Dean holds up the keys to the Impala and Sam reaches out his hand, catching them easily as Dean tosses them.

"I'm going with her…" Dean mouths, pointing at the brown-haired girl, and makes a shooing motion with his hand.

"Ready?" Sam asks Susan and she bounces up, putting an arm around his waist as they make their way to the door. She's tall, which is good, her head coming to Sam's shoulder.

Reaching the Impala, she reaches up to pull Sam down for a kiss, rubbing herself over him. He pushes her back against the car, kissing her deeply, tongue sliding into her mouth, hands pulling her close to him, so she can feel his excitement.

"Mmm" she moans, rubbing her hand on his erection, "So, tell me, Sam…" she purrs when they stop for breath, "Is everything long and tall on you? Or is it just your legs?"

"Come on…let's go back to my place and you can find out…"

"Sam…" she breathes, "I want it here…now…"

"Here?"

"Yes….right here…" she pats the hood of the car and Sam looks around to check out the area. The car is parked in a dark spot, secluded enough to probably not get caught. He shrugs. It's ok by him.

He kisses her again, running his hands up under her silky shirt, pushing it up, no bra to hinder him and plays his fingertips over her hardening nipples. She throws her head back and he kisses along her neck, back up to her mouth…

Sam reaches under her skirt and feels warm skin instead of the underwear he expected.

He pulls back, smiling and she laughs, "Yes, I'm a bad girl…"

He pleasures her with his fingers, making her moan and shiver. When she's good and wet, he pulls a condom from his pocket, rips the packet with his teeth and drops his pants. She helps him roll it on, marveling at the size of him. Sam picks her up, cupping her ass cheeks in both hands and enters her with a long thrust. She gasps at his length, his thickness filling her completely.

"So, what do you think?" he breathes into her hair, pulling back and thrusting again.

He leans her over the car hood for better leverage, freeing one hand and giving himself a deeper target. He shoves into her again and her breath catches in her throat.

"I…think…I'm…in…oohh…love…" she stutters and Sam laughs, bending his head to suck on one of her nipples, moving a fingertip over the other. Her body jerks at that, making her grunt with passion. He moves in and out, faster now, going deeper with each thrust. She's touching herself with her fingers, moaning with each shove of Sam's cock into her.

Sam shuts his eyes as he moves closer to release. In his mind's eye, he sees Dean's face, below him in the dark, as he was that first night, eyes glittering, hips thrusting up into Sam's hand. He remembers Dean kissing him, his full lips deliciously soft and his brother's tightness under him as they moved together in perfect unison. He thinks about how hard and throbbing Dean was between them, and how Sam gripped him, pulled on him so that they would climax together.

Suddenly, Susan jerks violently, orgasm racking her body. Sam holds her hips and pushes faster, thinking about feverish Dean…so hot…so delicious…Sam's body stiffens and he explodes inside the condom, pumping into the girl as he spasms and jerks, holding onto her hips and rolling into her. They lay together for a few moments until their breathing slows to normal.

Sam pushes at the image of Dean in his mind, trying to get rid of it, trying to concentrate on the girl under him. He pulls out of her and helps her to adjust her clothes, tossing the condom and pulling up his pants quickly.

"You doing ok, Susan?"

"Never better, Sam…that was wonderful! Thanks!" she leans up to kiss him passionately and rubs her face on his, "Did you enjoy it?"

Sam smiles, "Hell yeah, I enjoyed it!"

They walk back inside, slowly, arms around each other.

Back in the bar, Dean's nowhere to be seen.

"Do you want another drink?" Sam asks Susan.

"I would but I have to work tomorrow so I'm going to have to get going. She rubs her breast on his arm and says, "If you're ever back this way, please look me up, ok, Sam?" and writes something on a bar napkin, "Here's my number…thanks for the…thanks…"

"Thank _you_" Sam says, bending down for a kiss and turning to watch her walk, hips swinging, out the door.

Sam orders himself a beer and a shot, downing the scotch quickly with a cough and taking a leisurely sip of beer.

Ok, what the fuck just happened? Why was he thinking about Dean when he was making love to a woman? Worse, why was he thinking about his brother _that _way? The spirit oil was long since out of his system so what the hell?

It's his memories, is what it is…as long as he has the memories, he'll never be rid of it…

He idly rips apart a napkin, his mind going back to when Dean had the fever.

_Dean had fallen asleep on his chest, his shivering finally stopping and his body relaxing into Sam. They had dozed together and then Sam had woken up when Dean rolled over, his back to Sam, the blanket falling away from his body, skin gleaming in the dim light. _

_Staring at his brother's shoulder in the dark, Sam is seized by a powerful urge to kiss it, touch it, taste it. He tries to go back to sleep, rolling over and putting his back to Dean so they are ass to ass but he can't get the image of Dean's naked shoulders out of his head. _

_The way the blanket has moved down, showing the bare of his brother's back, disappearing into dark…tantalizing him with the mystery of what was below…_

_He can feel his cock growing and he helplessly rolls onto his back, rubbing himself gently. Try as he might not to look, his eyes slide over to his brother's back and shoulder, tracing the delicious curve with his eyes until he reaches out…unable to stop himself and runs a finger over it. _

_Soft, so soft and hot under his touch that he has to kiss it…taste it…_

_Sam moves over carefully, positioning himself so he won't fall on Dean and wake him and leans forward, touching his lips to his brother's sweet smelling skin. He trails his lips gently over the curve of Dean's shoulder to his neck and up to his ear. _

_Dean's breath catches and he mumbles something, causing Sam to stop and wait. _

_Once Dean is quiet again, Sam runs his tongue up over Dean's ear and nibbles on his earlobe. He munches his way back down Dean's neck to his shoulder, licking and tasting his brother's skin, the salt and sweet of it wiping out the rest of Sam's resolve._

"_Sam?" he hears Dean whisper and he wraps his arm around Dean's stomach, pulling his body back so it rests against Sam's. _

"_I'm sorry I woke you…" Sam mutters, not sorry at all, but caught up in his brother, drinking in his smell, his feel…He scoots over so he is pressed up against Dean's ass, his hardness pushing between them and buries his face in Dean's neck. _

"_Sammy…" Dean breathes._

"_Tell me you love me, Dean…"_

"_Sam…"_

_He moves back, pulling on Dean's shoulder until he is on his back, and stares at his brother's glittering eyes in the dark. He touches his lips to Dean's, lightly, teasing, and when Dean opens his mouth, wanting a deeper kiss, Sam shakes his head, touching his tongue to Dean's top lip, and dipping in for just a tingling taste before pulling away._

"_Tell me Dean…" and he plays his fingers over Dean's nipples under the blanket. He moves his brother's arm above his head and licks the sensitive inner bicep, humming with his lips and making Dean twitch, nerve endings coming alive. He runs his fingers under his brother's arm, near the pit and next to the nipple, circling it with a teasing touch. _

_With a growl, Dean launches himself up and pushes Sam backward on the bed, so he's lying on Sam's chest. He presses his lips onto Sam's roughly and pushes his tongue into his brother's mouth. Sam gives a satisfied grunt, grabbing Dean's face with his hands and kissing him back with everything inside of him. _

_Panting, they separate and Dean looks down at his brother, gasping hoarsely, "What do you want me to say? That I want you? That I need you? That I love you?"_

"_Yes…yes…" Sam whispers into his mouth._

"_I want you…" Dean says and kisses him lightly, making Sam's lips part with anticipation._

"_I need you…" Dean pushes his tongue into Sam's mouth, swirling it around seductively until pulling back to stare at his brother._

"_I…love you, Sam…I love you…" and he buries his face in Sam's neck, his body trembling with the words he'd just uttered. _

_Sam's eyes fill with tears and he whispers a promise to his brother, "I love you, too, Dean. Always have…always will…"_

_Dean pulls back, searching his face in the dark. _

_Sam pushes at him gently, "Lemme up…" _

_Dean moves off, rolling onto his back. Sam lowers his head, working his way down Dean's hot skin with his tongue and lips, teasing, biting, sucking, licking until Dean is a puddle of twitching nerves. Tensing when Sam works his way lower, Dean trembles, goose bumps rising on his fevered skin, his erection huge and throbbing._

"_Sam…please…" _

_Sam smiles in the dark, reaching out to grab the base of Dean's cock, earning an immediate gasp and hip jerk as reward. He runs his thumb up along the underside gently, along the pulsing vein that trembles there, up, up and over the tip, sweeping the moisture on top around in a circle, blowing on it with his mouth to cool it._

"_Jesus, Sam!" Dean's hips buck, a hand landing on Sam's head, fingers tangling in his thick brown hair._

_Sam runs his hand up the length of Dean's shaft, then down, dragging the skin lightly, tightening his grip. _

_He moves so he can see his brother's face and then reaches out his tongue, swirling around the tip, tasting Dean, salty-sweet and earthy, and then moving his mouth to take Dean in, filling his mouth, his throat with the wonderful taste of his brother._

_Dean's hold on his hair tightens, his other hand gripping the sheet convulsively. Sam hears him whisper, "God, your __**mouth**__…Sammy…feels so good…so hot and wet…"_

_Sam can't get enough of the taste, opening his throat to take Dean in deeper, pulling up and then diving back in again, savoring every tang, every flavor his tongue is sending to his brain. _

_He moves his head faster when Dean starts thrusting into him and runs his hands up, over Dean's hot body to his nipples, flicking them into hard nubs. _

_Dean's body stiffens and Sam feels the pulse of Dean's cock in his throat, the shooting liquid hitting the roof of his mouth and tongue. He swallows, the taste of Dean making him almost swoon, and drinks, until his brother is done, collapsed back on the bed, breath gasping out of him._

_Sam rubs his cheek on Dean's lower abdomen before moving up to lay with his brother. He pulls the blankets up, worrying about Dean's getting chills again and tucks him in, resting his lips on Dean's hot forehead._

"_Sam…that was…" his voice trails away._

"_I know, Dean…I love you, too…" Sam smiles._

"_What about you? You need…" and Dean's hand floats between them, feeling Sam's hardness under his palm, "Do you want to…?"_

"_Actually, your hand feels just perfect right where it is…now just move it up and down, just a little…" Sam's voice is warm and husky, "That's it…" _

"Want another drink?" Dean sits down next to him, staring at his face in the dim light of the bar.

Sam jumps at Dean's sudden appearance and takes a deep breath to get his heart under control. He nods, "Sure" his voice sounding rough, harsh in his own ears.

"You ok?" His brother looks at his face searchingly.

"Fine, Dean…just tired…"

The scotch is delivered with two beers and Dean raises his shot glass to Sam, who clinks it with his own and they down the shots quickly.

"So'd you get laid?"

Sam nods, "Yeah…didn't even make it back to the motel room…she wanted to do it in the parking lot, on top of the car…"

Dean chuckles, "Hope you obliged her, Sammy…"

"I did what I could…" Sam replies and then, "You?"

"Damn right I did...it was awesome, Sam...we went to her place, right around the corner and as soon as we got inside, she was all over me...holy shit...the things that girl could do with her mouth...My knees are still shaking..."

Sam gives a pained smile, "That's great, Dean...glad you had fun..."

Dean takes a swig of beer before he continues, "Yeah...anyway, she ended up passing out after that so I let myself out and came back here…wanted another drink…"

"Yeah, me, too…"

Dean looks towards the pool table, taking another drink off his bottle before setting it down. He looks down, fingers twisting his ring and clears his throat, "Sam…"

"Yeah, Dean?"

Dean clears his throat again but his voice, when it comes out, is almost a whisper "Are...are we better now?"

Sam knows what he means but he can't speak…can't look at Dean…just shakes his head in space.

"Cause you said we'd be all better now…"

"I know…" Sam whispers.

Dean downs his beer and gets off the stool, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. His eyes flick to Sam's and then down.

Then he leans in close, so his breath is on Sam's ear and he whispers, "I'm not better, Sammy…"

With that, he walks quickly out the door, into the night. Sam drains his beer and gets off the stool, following Dean.

He gets in the Impala, where Dean waits. He passes over the keys and when Dean starts the car, he reaches out to touch his hand.

Dean jumps at the contact, pulling his hand away quickly and staring at Sam, sadness and pain in his green eyes.

Sam whispers finally, "I'm not better either…"

*


	5. Chapter 5

*

"Dammit, Sammy! Why weren't you more careful!"

Sam hangs loosely at Dean's side, wheezing from the pain, his brother dragging him to the car. Blood drips from Sam's back, pooling onto his white shirt.

"I'm ok, Dean…" he says with difficulty, "It's not that bad…"

Dean wrenches open the passenger door of the Impala and pushes Sam inside. Dean slams the door and is behind the wheel in seconds, shoving the car into gear and hitting the gas, getting them the hell out of there.

Five miles down the road, he pulls over and turns to his brother, now white-faced and sweaty, biting down on his lip to bear the pain better.

"Let's see" Dean says and Sam leans over, lifting his shirt, revealing the long gash across his lower ribs and back, still bleeding at a good clip.

"It's gonna need stitches" Dean snaps, "Shit, Sam! You shoulda been watching! I can't keep on eye on you all the time! Why the hell didn't you see her coming?"

Sam lets his breath out painfully, "Dean…stop yelling at me, ok? Can you just get us back to the motel?"

Mumbling under his breath, shooting dark glances at his brother every couple of minutes, Dean speeds back to the room, squealing into the parking lot and jumping out to help before Sam even gets the door open. Dean swings Sam's arm over his shoulder and half-carries him inside, sitting him gently on the bed. He grabs the first aid kit and a bottle of whiskey, setting it down on the bed, helping Sam get out of his now sticky shirt.

Dean gets wet washcloths and drops to his knees next to Sam, swabbing the long slash on his brother's back, trying to sop up the still flowing blood. He hands the bottle of whiskey to Sam, who takes a long drink and nods, bracing himself. Dean takes up the needle and thread, stitching quickly, snugging it up tight…not pretty but at least it's stopped bleeding. A splash of whiskey over it to disinfect it, pain killers washed down with more hootch, and Sam's taken care of.

Dean sits back on his haunches and looks at Sam in disgust, "What the hell, Sammy?"

*

They'd been on the road for two weeks now, moving from hunt to hunt as fast as possible. Dean keeps them going, no sooner finishing up one case before driving them to the next one. When Sam questions him, Dean ignores him and drives faster, barely stopping to give them time to eat.

When they do talk, which isn't often, Dean is barely civil, snapping and snarling at everything Sam says or does until Sam clams up, staying on his bed or in the back seat, immersed in his laptop, research books, or whatever else he can find to keep him busy, leaving Dean to drink himself drunk every night until he passes out.

This last case involved a ghost girl who was murdering people visiting their loved ones' graves. Twenty-five years ago, the girl had died of fright during a cemetery dare she'd taken on from her friends. At midnight, she was supposed to stand on a grave, plunging a knife into the dirt to see if she could raise the dead. When she'd shoved the knife into the hard dirt, her friends snickering in the background, she'd stuck the blade through her dress hem, getting caught when she went to stand. Thinking the corpse had hold of her, she'd struggled, screamed and, before her friends could get to her, had a heart attack and died, still stuck to the grave. Now, on the anniversary of her death, she was taking her revenge on anyone with the misfortune to pass by the grave where she'd been found.

Dean was bait, to draw her out, with Sam waiting in the shadows, shotgun loaded with rock salt. But something went wrong…and when Sam cried out, Dean knew he was hurt from the sound of his voice. His heart in his throat, he had run over to see Sam on his knees and the ghost behind him, holding the now dripping knife in her hand.

Dean dove for the shotgun, rolling on his back and getting a shot off just before she jumped him, disintegrating her into a cloud of dust. He'd heard the sirens coming almost immediately…it was a small town, after all…and he'd helped Sam into the car for a quick getaway.

*

"Dean, I thought she'd be after you…I was watching you…I never expected…"

"That's not good enough, Sam! Where was she…behind you?" Dean questioned, scowling at his brother.

Sam nodded, "I felt something at the last second and jumped out of the way but I wasn't quick enough…"

"You were plain careless, Sam! What's wrong with you? You'd never let a ghost get the jump on you like that! Your head's somewhere else, man! An inch more to the right with that knife and you'da been dead!"

"Yeah, like you would've cared…"

Dean scowls, "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, Dean…nothing…why don't you just go have another drink?"

Dean's head snaps back like Sam just slapped him. He presses his lips together and without another word, gets up off his knees and gathers up the first aid things, putting everything in the bathroom. He shuts the door, leaning back against it and closes his eyes, taking a deep shaky breath.

He knows he's been acting like a jerk, barely speaking to Sam and drinking way more than he should. He's pissed off most of the time now, except when he's drunk and then he's sad and pissed off…

He feels out of control, hanging on for dear life, and he knows he's going to crack…he just doesn't know when…

This…thing that happened between him and Sam…it's thrown Dean more than he thought it could…and he just can't get past it. Dean takes in a ragged breath, a small whimper escaping from his throat.

Every move Sam makes, every sound, every breath, is magnified, intensified in Dean's mind until it's all he can think about…all he can feel and hear…

When Sam sleeps, it's the rustle of his pajama pants, the soft whuffling noises when he rolls over, the expressions that rush across his face as he dreams…and Dean watches him longingly in the dark…

After a hunt, it's the smell of Sam in the car, sweat and soap, fear and excitement, and Dean punches a cassette into the tape player, rolls the window down and tightens his hands on the steering wheel, keeping his eyes straight ahead and not thinking about how damn _good_ that smell is…

In the morning, it's the sound of Sam in the shower, knowing under the steamy water, his brother stands wet and soapy and beautiful…and Dean closes his eyes and rolls over, ignoring the throbbing in his pants.

He's tried pushing it away, ignoring it, shrugging it off…calling his feelings stupid, silly, ridiculous, abnormal, sick, twisted, perverted, and everything else he can think of to get it to go the fuck _away_ but it won't leave him…no matter how hard he tries.

He wants….God, he wants so bad that nothing can ever fill him…except for what he can't have…and that realization chokes him with a cold anger, where all he wants to do is rip something apart, beat something bloody…just to get rid of it…

So Dean hunts, as much as he can…ripping and tearing apart evil things so he won't hurt his brother but it's not enough…it still doesn't go away…

So, he yells at Sam, belittles him, rages at him, vents on him…until Sam can't take anymore and turns away from him, doesn't even want to try to reach him. That's the gift he's given to Sam because of his own fucked-up feelings for his brother…

Dean rubs his eyes with a rough palm, feeling the sting of tears. A knock at the door has him struggling to put the icy mask back on before Sam sees…

"Just a second" he strangles out and turns on the tap, washing his face with cold water.

He opens up the door and meets Sam's troubled eyes, "Dean, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that..."

Dean shrugs and looks down, unable to hold Sam's gaze for long, "It's ok…"

"It's not ok…We need to talk, Dean…please…"

"Sam…it's done…forget it."

"No…" Sam reaches out to touch him and Dean knocks his hand away, glaring at him, desperate for his brother not to know how his touch affects him.

Sam jumps at the reaction, pulling his hand back quickly, his eyes bright with tears. "Ok…ok…" he chokes out as he turns away, shoulders slumped and head down, arms hanging limply at his sides.

He takes two steps before Dean reaches out, pulling Sam into a hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly, like he'll never let go…

"Sam, I'm …shit…I'm sorry"

Sam pushes away, swiping at the tears, staring hard into Dean's eyes "What the fuck's wrong with you, Dean? I mean…you need to let me in on this because I've done something to piss you off and I can't for the life of me figure out what it is…It's like you're mad cause I exist or something! Just tell me…what the hell have I done?"

"You haven't done anything, Sammy…it's me…"

"What's you? What _is_ it, for Christ's sake? Dean…please…let me help…"

Dean takes a deep breath, struggling to hold it in, to keep it pushed down…but finally, he breaks and it spews out of him, spilling and pooling on the ground between them like the stinking, nasty mess it is…

"You really want to know, Sammy? Cause I'm pretty sure you don't…I'm pretty sure as soon as you know, you're gonna run away as fast as you can because the simple truth is, I fucking want you, man…ok? I want to touch you like I'm not supposed to! I want to be with you like I'm not supposed to! Call me a sick fuck, Sam…I know that's how you feel about it…but I can't help it! I want to be with you…"

"I feel like I'm gonna explode if something's not settled with us…like I can't take it, Sam…I have to leave…get away from you…or else one of these days, I'm gonna make a freaking ass of myself and jump on you while you're sleeping…I can't control it anymore! It's all I think about…and I'm gonna make a mistake…get you killed during a job cause I can't focus…on anything else but your fucking smell and your fucking taste and how soft and hot your skin feels in the dark…Jesus, Sam…" Dean rakes a hand through his hair, self-loathing in every muscle of his body.

Dean sucks in a ragged breath, "You don't have to tell me how wrong it is…I _know_ how wrong it is! But I really don't give a shit cause it's here, inside me and I can't get rid of it, no matter how hard I try…It was right with us…it was good…and I want that feeling again…every day…every night…I want the right to touch you when I want to…and I want you to touch me…"

"That's what the fuck's wrong with me, Sam…" Dean pushes past Sam and goes into the room, snatching up his jacket and shrugging it on.

He turns to leave...barely able to see through the stupid tears and Sam is there, in front of him, standing in his way…

"Get out of my way, Sam" he almost sobs it.

"No. I'm not going anywhere…and neither are you…"

Before he knows what's happening, Sam's hands are cupping his face and Sam's lips are on his mouth, touching hesitantly, softly, the barest whisper of tongue sliding in for a taste…

A tingle of electricity flickers up Dean's spine and he pulls away, fearful, staring up into his brother's eyes. Sam smiles down at him with such a look of love, it steals his breath.

He whispers, "Sammy…don't fuck with me, ok?"

Sam sighs and shakes his head, "I wouldn't. I won't. Everything you feel…it's the same with me…even more, probably because I remember when you were sick and how good it was between us then…"

"Dean…It's been killing me…knowing you're in the next bed…so close, I can touch you but so far away from me…I can't reach you…and I'm tired of lying…to myself and to you… "

Sam clears his throat, admitting, "I was watching you tonight…your body, your face…remembering how it was with us…That's how that ghost got the jump on me…cause I was all caught up in you and I wasn't paying attention…you were right…I was careless…"

Dean searches Sam's face, scared to even hope, "So…what do we do now?"

Sam shrugs, "The way I see it, we have two choices…we can either go our separate ways or we can do what we really want to do and…be together. I don't know about you but… I can't leave you…so I made my choice already."

Silence between them.

Dean bursts out "But what about 'It's so wrong, Dean' and all that stuff that you said to me?"

"It's wrong in all kinds of ways but you know what? So are we, Dean…we've never fit in the world right…except with each other…we'll never be right until we're together…and that's all I know right now…"

"Sammy…" Dean's voice is warm, husky, "You sure?"

Sam bends, whispering in Dean's ear, his hot breath stirring up the hairs just above it, "Swear on my life, Dean…"

...and moves his mouth closer still, soft lips pressing to Dean's earlobe, tongue touching, tasting…working his way down his brother's neck and over the shoulder.

A small shiver rocks Dean's body and he turns his head, pulling Sam's lips onto his own, thrusting his tongue deep into his brother's mouth, the taste of Sam making him dizzy, warmth spreading to his belly and lower.

When they break apart, they're panting, staring at each other in passionate hunger.

As one, they move towards each other, ripping off shirts, unzipping pants and tossing underwear. How they end up on the bed, Dean doesn't really remember but here they are and Sam is warm and soft, laughing, shaking the bangs out of his eyes, his mouth moving all over Dean, licking and tasting…

Dean reaches out, hesitantly, shyly, touching Sam's shoulders and chest with feather-light fingers, whispering over the nipples and Sam's head snaps up, staring at Dean with hot eyes before covering his mouth in another sweet, ravaging kiss…trying to taste Dean's soul with his tongue.

With a sigh, Dean finally lets go, opens himself up and gives Sam all of him, everything he is…everything he feels…When they break apart, there are no more secrets…

Dean whispers "I need to taste you…"

Sam nods, "Yes…"

*


	6. Chapter 6

*

Dean flicks his eyes up to Sam's, then looks away, suddenly scared, "I, uh..." and glances back up into his brother's big brown eyes, his gaze skittering down again. He rubs the back of his neck and takes a big inhale, letting his breath out in a rush, finally admitting, "Look, Sam...I...uh...don't know how to do this, ok? So if you make fun of me, I'll kick your ass, understand?"

"Dean" Sam whispers and catches Dean's eyes, "It's me, ok? Me..."

Dean smiles tenderly, nodding with relief.

Sam continues, "Of course I'm gonna make fun of you."

Dean grunts, scowling at Sam who's chuckling like he's freaking adorable. Dean moves quickly, jumping on top of his brother and pushing him back in one movement, holding him down by the shoulders, bending close to Sam's face to whisper huskily, "Just for that, I'm gonna be so good, you're gonna beg for mercy!"

"I swear, you're so full of yourself sometimes..." Sam keeps going, teasing, and Dean's nervousness fades away.

"Well, soon, I'll be full of you...at least my mouth will be..." and even though Dean tosses it off as a joke, it falls between them, pulsing and hot and they stare at each other, barely breathing.

Dean sees Sam catch his lower lip between his teeth, sees the flush work its way up Sam's face as he watches Dean licks his lips.

Leaning forward, he gives Sam a small kiss, light as butterfly wings on his mouth. He backs away an inch, their breath mixing together, and hovers just over Sam's mouth, waiting, wanting to drive him crazy. He bends to press another chaste kiss to Sam's lips and then another, quick kisses...and he feels Sam trembling underneath his hands.

Sam reaches up, putting a hand behind Dean's neck, pulling him down but Dean stops him, catching Sam's wrists in an iron grip and pushing them up over his head. He lays on Sam, stretching out so his full weight's on him, his thigh between Sam's legs, pressing up gently, pinning Sam down and kisses again, softly, gentle as a whisper, dipping his tongue in for a quick tantalizing taste and Sam's tugging, trying to free his arms, groaning, "Dean...come on..."

Dean kisses Sam's forehead, running his lips between his eyebrows down his cute nose and moving to kiss one dimple and then the other, licking his way down to the cleft in Sam's chin, tonguing it lightly. He presses another kiss to Sam's mouth, longer this time but still feather light and Sam tries to kiss back but Dean pulls away, moving to Sam's earlobe, letting his breath stir the hairs above it, earning a shiver from his brother.

Dean runs his tongue along the curve of Sam's ear, nipping at his earlobe before going lower, licking his brother's jaw, biting gently, moving down over Sam's quivering throat to the base and sliding his tongue into the sensitive hollow there.

Dean raises his head and lets his eyes rest on his brother's beautiful face, feeling a flicker of excitement in his belly as Sam smiles back at him, such a look of love shining in his eyes it steals Dean's breath away. Everything Dean wants is right here in front of him, he just has to reach out and touch it, lick it...taste it...

He releases his hold on Sam, moving his hands to caress the tender skin, softly tickling his wrists, whispering feather-light touches on the inside of Sam's arms, stroking gently. The inner skin is especially sweet because it hasn't been exposed to the elements like the rest...that means it's softer, more reactive to touch, to wet caresses from hungry lips...

Dean pulls down Sam's arms as he caresses, so he can use his lips, humming, rubbing, and nibbling his way over the inside of one of Sam's arms, the sensitive forearm, the soft inner elbow and the trembling biceps, making the nerve endings tingle, causing Sam's body to quiver all over, breath gasping from his throat.

Dean moves to Sam's other arm, using his tongue, slowly licking, savoring...the smell of Sam filling his head, the taste of Sam...Jesus, he's never tasted anything so good in his life. It's sweet as honey and lush, deep and delicious, making Dean dizzy with it. He can't get enough of it and he moves down, capturing Sam's mouth, crushing his lips, tongue pushing in roughly, swirling, dominating and Sam is right there, meeting Dean's tongue with his own, kissing back with a hot passion.

Breathless, they break away, staring at each other, the heat heavy in the air between them.

Dean's eyes are dark with desire as he moves his mouth down, running heated lips over Sam's chest, over the ribs to one nipple, flicking a tongue over it, making his brother's hips jump slightly. He feel Sam under him, his rock-hard dick pushing up into Dean's own throbbing erection. He starts to move off and realizes the Sam is rubbing himself, thrusting himself up against Dean and _oh, shit_, does that feel good...and Dean's grinding down, pushing back against Sam before he even realizes what he's doing.

Pulling away, Dean gasps, "You gotta stop doing that, Sammy or I'm not gonna be able to control myself..."

Sam stares down at him, eyes burning into his, "Dean..." he pants, rolling his hips up again, hitting against Dean, "I need...God...please..."

"What do you need, Sam? What do you want?" and bending his head, Dean continues to lick at Sam's nipple, reaching out with a fingertip to play lightly with the other one, flicking it gently.

Sam doesn't respond, can't respond because Dean moves his head lower, kissing and licking down Sam's midline, down to his belly button, feathering his fingers over his brother's ribs, feeling Sam shiver, his skin under Dean's hands twitching with desire. Dean kisses the soft hairs on the lower abdomen, rubbing his face on his brother's warm skin, licking, down, down, over one hip bone, sucking in the hollow just above it before moving to the other one, letting his chin hit Sam's throbbing erection as he moves, causing Sam's hips to buck.

"Jesus, Dean…" Sam whispers, closing his eyes and reaching down to rub his fingers over Dean's hair, petting him quickly, nudging him lower.

Dean kisses his way down the other hip bone, rubbing his warm hands on Sam's thighs, sweeping his thumbs down inside, to caress the sensitive inner skin, pushing Sam's legs apart and positioning himself between them.

He grips the base of Sam's cock tightly, hearing his brother's sharp gasp, and moves his hand up and down, dragging the skin over the hot length. Sam's hips start to thrust up to meet his stroke and Dean slows down, smiling when he hears his brother's growl of disappointment.

"Don't worry, Sammy…" Dean mumbles, leaning forward, pressing his lips to the pulsing vein underneath, running his mouth up and humming against the sensitive tip. He touches the slit on top with his tongue, tasting the drops there, salty, sweet and...oh...God, so _good_...There's an earthy taste...a musk that tickles Deans' senses, making his own erection throb painfully, and he catches the tip of Sam's cock in his mouth, sucking gently, swallowing down that delicious taste.

Sam's hands flail away, grabbing the sheet next to his thighs and squeezing tightly "…holy shit…Dean…"

Dean feels Sam's body shaking, his muscles tense and trembling, his hips rocking forward when Dean releases the tip and nibbles his way back down his shaft and back up again…to suck on the tip once more. Dean's head spins with the sweet taste of Sam on his tongue and he can't wait any longer, he needs that taste in his mouth.... He opens his throat, sliding his way slowly down over Sam, filling his mouth and mind with the heady taste, the delicious smell, the hot flesh...

He lifts his head, swirling the tip with his tongue, sucking lightly before diving down again, savoring the taste, the feel of his brother's throbbing shaft between his lips. He pulls back up and slides down again, wanting more, always more, trying to open his throat so he can take his brother in deeper.

Sam is making all these delicious noises above him…groaning and gasping, hips bucking up, thrusting to meet Dean's mouth, thighs twitching, legs tense...His hands open and close, grabbing the sheet and then moving to Dean's head, caressing his hair and then back down to the sheet, clenching tight...

Dean moves his head up and down, getting a nice rhythm, finding out what Sam likes and what he doesn't, using the sweet sounds coming from his brother to guide his mouth and tongue.

Suddenly, he feels both Sam's hands on his head and braces himself. Sam starts thrusting harder, faster, deeper and Dean relaxes his throat, taking him all the way in until Sam swells in his mouth, pulsating, jerking, his body spasming and then...

Hot liquid shoots onto Dean's tongue, filling his throat and mouth with the sweetest taste he's ever had, and he sucks and drinks, swallowing and sucking more, draining Sam of every drop, looking for more where there isn't any and causing Sam to weakly push away his head, whispering with a laugh, "There's no more, Dean…"

Dean crawls up next to Sam, kissing him lightly, rubbing his chest and belly gently while Sam recovers, laying next to him and cupping his face, turning it so Sam looks at him, whispering, "Sorry, Sam...you just taste so good...It was...wow!"

"You were wow" Sam huffs, trying to get his breathing under control.

Dean grins, "And don't you forget it, Sammy!"

After a few minutes, Sam reaches down between them, touching Dean with soft fingers, stroking, "Dean...I want…to feel you…"

Dean smiles at him, "You are feeling me…"

"No, I mean…inside me" his voice falls to a whisper.

Dean's smile falls away, a tender light shines in his eyes, "Sammy…you don't need to…"

"I know…I want to…Dean…I really want to…"

Dean shakes his head, looking down, "I might hurt you…I don't know how to…uh…"

Sam continues to move his hand gently up and down, making Dean's thoughts go fuzzy, "I want to know you...the way you know me. You remember, don't you? How I felt inside you?"

"I remember it hurt like hell..."

"Is that all?"

Dean stares at Sam for a moment and then shakes his head, his hips beginning to move under Sam's soft touch "No, that's not all."

"Tell me."

"Sammy..."

Sam drags his hand up and down, gripping tighter, stroking harder, "Please...tell me what it felt like..."

Dean tries to concentrate but he's starting to pant a little with what Sam's doing down below, "After it...ahhh...stopped hurting, it was like...shit, I can't think when you're doing that..." and he reaches down to still Sam's hand and takes a deep shuddering breath in, trying to find the words to tell his brother how it had been.

"It felt like I could let go, finally and just feel. I didn't have to think anymore. And when it was over, I was...happy. And I felt such..." Dean shook his head, "love, I guess. I couldn't get that feeling out of my head. I tried, Sammy. I really tried to stop it. But I couldn't. I got greedy. I wanted to feel that all the time."

"I want to let go and just feel, too."

"Sammy, I don't want to hurt you...and I will...I mean, it's really painful at first..."

"I don't care. I want to. I have to..."

"Sam..."

And then Sam says the one thing he knows always gets to Dean, always makes him give in, "Please, Dean?"

Dean's heart starts pounding in his chest, fear and excitement gripping him hard. He meets Sam's eyes and nods, unable to speak.

*


	7. Chapter 7

*

"Really? You'll do it?" Sam gives his brother a sweet smile.

"I said 'yes', ok?" Dean voice is gruff to hide his jumping nerves. He's so frigging scared and excited right now and he doesn't even know why but his heart is yammering in his chest and his mouth is bone-dry.

Sam really wants this and truth be told, so does he. But, Dean's the one who's always in control, always knows what to do and now he doesn't. He's floundering, totally out of his comfort zone and he doesn't like it one bit.

Dean gestures vaguely, "So, what do we…" trailing away and looking at Sam for direction.

Sam answers the question, "We're gonna need something for…lubrication, I think…last time, we used the Spirit Oil…"

Dean finds his voice, "I don't want you getting sick like I did, though…maybe just spit?"

He tries to gather some in his mouth but…nothing. He shakes his head, admitting, "I'm so scared of doing this, I got no spit…"

Sam frowns at him, "Why are you afraid?"

Dean shrugs, "Just…I've never even done this to a girl before, Sammy and now…half of me can't wait to be inside you but the other half…well, what if I really hurt you or something? How we gonna explain it? How'm I gonna live with it?

Sam shakes back his hair, "Dean, you won't hurt me."

"Yeah? And how do you know that?"

"Because you would never hurt me. Ever. That's how I know." Sam snaps his fingers, "Got it! There's some Vasoline in the first aid kit. That'll work!"

He jumps up to get it, leaving Dean shaking his head behind him. He wishes he were as sure about this as Sam is. His brother pads back to the bed a second later, jar in hand, untwisting the cap and getting a big dollop on his hand.

"Now I think if we just…" and reaches down to rub the thick salve all over Dean's erection, giving his brother sparks of pleasure, making him slick and glistening in the lamplight.

Dean is trying to control his hitching breath, the jolts of heat from Sam's fingers making him tremble, something close to a whimper crossing his throat and he hangs onto the sheet for dear life.

Sam finishes his work with a satisfied nod and looks up at Dean through his bangs to see his brother watching him, his eyes shimmering with smoldering lust, "That should do it…now you need to…"

and Dean's hands are on his brother's shoulders, pulling him up, capturing Sam's mouth, sliding his tongue in between his brother's soft lips, taking his time, moving inside Sam's mouth sensuously, slowly, caressing his brother's tongue with his own, slipping and swirling. He holds Sam's head, running his fingers through his thick, soft hair…

When Dean's done and taken his fill of Sam's delicious taste, he sets him back down gently where he was and Sam stares at him, hair hanging in his eyes, mouth open slightly.

"Where…where was I?" Sam stutters softly, blushing in his cheeks.

Dean prompts him with a grin, "Something I need to do with the Vasoline?"

Sam clears his throat, "Yeah…right…um…you need to…you know…put some inside of me…remember, how I did to you?"

"I remember" Dean says softly and digs in his fingers, scooping up some goop and bends down, whispering in Sam's ear, "Roll over on your side."

Sam flips over, back to his brother, pulling up his knees slightly.

Dean kisses his brother's shoulder, moving down to mold his body to Sam's, pressing his chest into Sam's back, reaching down, between Sam's smooth white ass cheeks to swirl the Vasoline around, dipping in his index finger.

Sam makes a strangled sound in his throat, moving his hips forward slightly and Dean stops, husking in his brother's ear, "You ok?"

Sam's voice is determined, "Keep going…"

Dean moves his finger in and out, going deeper with each stroke.

"That's nice…" Sam mumbles and Dean adds another finger, sliding up and Sam is tense suddenly, barely breathing. Dean rests his fingers, letting Sam get used to the feeling before he slips them back almost out and pushes up again, spreading them a little on the way out to try to make Sam bigger.

Dean smiles as he feels Sam start to move back on his fingers. Seems it's feeling a little more than nice…

"Ready for more?" Dean asks,

"mmmm" Sam moans and Dean takes that for a 'yes', adding in another finger.

He stops when Sam gasps but his brother's hips don't stop moving. Dean figures Sam's enjoying it and that he's probably ready for more.

He moves down carefully so he can keep his fingers going, moves Sam's long leg over the top of him and pulls Sam over onto his back.

Dean leans forward, catching Sam in a tantalizing kiss, tongue sliding in and out, just like his fingers…

When he's in a good position, Dean pulls his fingers out and quickly nudges in the tip of his dick, shoving in quickly, pushing his way up with ease because Sam's relaxed, resting…

and he's sailing on in, almost laughing with relief because he really expected it would be a lot rougher, thought Sam would have pain but looks like Sam's ok, he's ok, and this was a lot easier than he thought…and Dean's chest swells with pride, oh yeah...who's the man!...if he could, he'd be doing the happy dance.

But just because Sam was relaxed by Dean's fingers, doesn't mean that he will stay relaxed, as Dean realizes soon enough.

Dean is shoved halfway inside before Sam realizes he's got what feels like a large tree trunk up his ass and clenches, his muscles tensing up so much that Dean cries out from the squeeze on his dick.

It appears that Dean may have miscalculated…

"Holy Sh-!" Sam almost yells then clenches his teeth, breath whistling out painfully, "Jesus! Holy fuck!" and he gasps, shaking, "It's too big…ahhhh, shit…don't move!"

"Sammy?" Dean starts to pull out and Sam grabs at his hips, stopping him from moving.

"Please don't…don't move…" Sam whispers between his teeth, "Hurts…hurts worse when…you move…"

"Jesus, Sam…I'm so sorry…let me go…I'll pull out…"

"NO! No! I want…to do this…just give me…another second…"

"How…how can I help?"

Shit, this coulda gone better!

Dean hesitantly reaches out, mumbling apologies, touching softly, fingers gently stroking Sam's legs and thighs, rubbing his stomach, touching lightly, stroking over his chest and shoulders, down his arms, keeping the caresses constant and even.

Finally, finally Sam relaxes, his muscles slowing unclenching and his tight grip eases up around Dean's dick.

Dean flexes himself, grateful to feel again…

Sam looks up at Dean, panting, nodding, "Better…it's better now…It's just so big…I didn't expect it to be so big…"

Dean gets a smug, pleased look on his face and puffs out his chest, "Hey, I'm not called Big Brother for nothing, you know? Listen, Sammy, don't feel too bad, just cause you're normal, average….. We can't all be super-sized, now, can we?"

Sam laughs, a deep rumble in his chest, causing his ass muscles to clench again and he moans, "Ow…Dude, don't make me laugh…it hurts like hell…"

"Feels pretty good on my end, though…" Dean's warm chuckle breathes on Sam's lips as he bends to kiss him lightly, moving his mouth sensuously, tugging on Sam's lower lip gently before sliding his tongue into Sam's hot mouth.

Dean breaks the kiss, starts to pull away and leans in again for another quick one before he remembers what they're doing.

"Well, maybe if I just…" and Dean slowly pulls out, just a little and pushes back in, tiny thrusts, taking his time, getting the lubricant working.

Soon, Dean's going deeper with each thrust, surrounded by Sam's incredible tightness, hearing Sam's little sounds of pleasure, and the tension starts to build up, the heat in his belly turning to fire and he wants to get in deeper…as deep as he can…

Dean bends one of Sam's legs to get better positioning and pulls back, thrusting forward, finally getting his full length buried inside.

Sam jerks suddenly and makes this sound in his throat, guttural, animal…making Dean smile with pride...he did that…made his brother groan over that sound…

"Harder…" a hoarse whisper reaches his ears and Dean's wondering if he imagined it.

It comes again, "Dean, harder…please…" Sam reaches up and pulls Dean down to him, kissing him hard, fierce and hot…panting into his mouth.

The lights in Dean's eyes flare into flames, looking at Sam passionately, and he gives a sharp thrust with his hips, pulling Sam towards him, driving himself in deeper.

Sam grunts in pleasure, "again…now…" pulling on Dean's hips with frantic hands.

Dean pulls back and shoves in, as hard and as fast as he can, grinning when Sam gasps and throws back his head, eyes half-closed. Dean feels Sam's erection, hot and heavy, hitting into his stomach.

Bending, he whispers in his brother's ear, "Touch yourself for me, Sammy…I want to watch your face when you make yourself come…"

Sam reaches between them, hand closing around his shaft, dragging his hand up to the tip and down again, wrist loose as he works himself, up and down, his grip tight around the throbbing organ in his hand…

Dean watches as Sam gives himself pleasure, sees the flicker of pain in Sam's eyes every time Dean thrusts into him…under the pain, though...pure lust…

No words now…only sounds…the wet slide of Dean's thrusts, the slick slap of Sam's hand hitting his crotch and moving back up, the panting and groaning, bed creaking…

Sam's eyes close, his whole body goes rigid and he's gasping "I'm gonna…"

Dean leans in quickly, "Open your eyes…I want to see…"

And Sam's eyes snap open right at the same moment his body stiffens, spasms. Dean watches in fascination, caught up in Sam's eyes and face, as Sam's orgasm hits him hard and he's shooting hot liquid all over his fist and stomach, hand still pumping up and down...

Seeing Sam like that sends Dean over the edge and he can't hold it any longer. Two more long strokes and his body is rocked with it, wave after wave of sweet pleasure, and he empties himself deep inside Sam, a strangled cry wrenching from his throat, pumping in and out of his brother's tightness until there's no more and he is spent, laying on Sam, trembling with reaction.

"Holy shit…." Dean breathes into Sam's neck, trying to catch his breath.

Sam's arms are around his neck and Sam hugs his head in close, whispering a small, "Thank you" into Dean's ear and kisses his cheek softly.

Dean pulls back to look in Sam's eyes and he smiles, an easy one that transforms his face, and steals a kiss from his brother's luscious lips, "Anytime, Sammy…anytime…"

*

-the end-

for now :)


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